‘Tis the season to be jolly. But if you have anxiety the festive season is more of a whirlwind of tears and the unexpected. I have to admit the season has become much more magical over the last few years but it still comes with it’s share of overwhelming sights and sounds that can sometimes lead us down a very bah hum bug kind of place. As adults it is easy to forget just how stimulating the season can be. Most of us are so busy with presents and wrapping and up to our eyeballs in lists that we have little time to listen to the sometimes silent pleas and cries for calm from our children. We overwhelm them with expectations and behaviours that they aren’t always able to cope with and we need to sometimes take a step back and give everyone a little bit of breathing room so that magic has a chance to seep in.

Tips from our house to yours:

Pace your visits – at this time of year we feel compelled to reach out to everyone, go to every party and make rounds two or three times in a day. We make sure that if we have two or three events in one weekend we sometimes have to choose. Sometimes we all go, sometimes half of us go and sometimes we may enjoy an afternoon or evening on our own. It really is whatever works because it makes in the moment so much nicer. Now we don’t miss out because of behaviour we simply acknowledge that it can be too much and take it as it comes.

Opening Presents in front of others – It is not uncommon that the kids get a little something from people as we travel around from event to event and for an anxious child the eyes staring and glaring at you waiting for their reaction is too much so years ago I let go of the idea that my child would tear open the package in anticipation of the beauty that lies inside. No instead my child is the kind of child that would prefer to go and discover the goodies by herself. It’s like a treasure and it doesn’t mean she’s ungrateful for it she just need some space. As long as they acknowledge the person who gave it to her and thanks them for it there is no reason to push if it brings them to tears.

Thank you for your gifts – As mentioned above up until the last year or two we didn’t have a furry of unwrapping going on over here so in return for peoples gifts we made sure that thank you cards were given. In her own way and with her own imagination and creativity we have given back so many beautiful cards of thanks. It puts a sense of ownership in her actions by letting her create the card that shows her gratitude.

Hugging and Kissing – Let’s face it as adults we aren’t all touchy feely and neither are children. Anxious children are just as caring and loving but it comes out in many different ways. We don’t push the hugs and kisses because affection can be shown in many other ways. My anxious child is very aware of surroundings and is very much aware of other people’s energy and if she is feeling ambivalent I acknowledge that. I am often reminded of a quote in the book “The Highly Sensitive Child by Elaine N. Aron“.

Third, introverted HSCs so not “dislike people”. Introverts simply prefer being with one or two close friends rather than in large groups or meeting strangers. Another way to think of introverts is that they prefer to step back and reflect on what they encounter; extroverts prefer to rush forward.” (page 26 of the Highly Sensitive Child)

For our family that is exactly what happens. We reflect on the encounter and the next time we are with that person or in that environment than we may experience a more touchy, feely moment. Until then we don’t push it.

Meltdown or as I like to call it “Processing“ – My children like me are “aware”. What I mean by “aware” is that they realize their bodies and minds are connected and that the feelings they experience are a direct result of what’s happening around them. Realizing that their reactions give them very defined feelings has helped them not fear certain reactions that their body is telling them.

That anxious feeling or fear/worry that happens just before we are going somewhere new we have figured out manifests itself by:

• butterflies in the stomach
• feeling dizzy
• heart racing
• nausea
• shaking hands

Similarly, that feeling of excitement and anticipation of an event manifests itself by:

• butterflies in the stomach
• heart racing
• shaking hands
• feeling the need to move

This awareness of feelings is a wonderful thing and at the end of these overstimulating days there is usually some “processing” involved . Be it good stress or bad stress our bodies still need to get through it and for us this usually ends up in some tears regardless if they are tears of joy or sadness. As parents we need to allow this time to “process” the days events and not be upset or frustrated. That’s the time when an extra long cuddle or telling a story can go such a long way.

Christmas time is a time of reflection, colours, lights, sounds and tastes and it encapsulates all of our senses. It is a time of tradition, excitement and wonderment. It is also a time of peaceful reflection and each of us experience the holidays differently within ourselves. This Christmas find time to listen to not only the Christmas carol but your anxious child, find peace in a quiet room away from the crowd while the music softly plays in the background and embrace a moment. New traditions can be forged so don’t be so afraid to rattle the old ones and discover and redefine new ones. But most of all enjoy the season and enjoy your children because the season really goes by in a flash.