Looking back to this time last year I can’t believe how far we’ve come. At this time last year we were inundated with doom and gloom scenarios by Sydney’s teacher of how her shortcomings will only set her up for failure and how if she didn’t co-operate she would not progress when she’s in grade one. I could bore you with detailed quotes as they will forever be embedded in my brain but I will not for two reasons, one the teacher does not deserve that much time or effort spent on thinking about her and secondly because the one thing last year taught me to do is stand my ground and fight for what I undeniably know is good and right for my daughter so in a crazy kind of way I’m happy that she was so out to lunch when it came to Sydney and her “shortcomings”.

This morning Sydney fought me a little on the whole idea of going to school but despite her verbal banter of how much she didn’t want to go I ploughed along putting on clothes and attempting to change the subject. “Distract, distract, distract…so you know what tonight we should have some time with your guinea pig I think he misses you, do you think it’s going to rain today?” After all was said and done she announced to me that perhaps she’ll try to today not to cry. To which I replied, “well Syd, you have to find a way like you did yesterday to take those feelings that make you feel sad or angry or anxious and you need to put them aside and think about how wonderful it will be to be in line and talk to your friends and see how they are today.” I never want to dwell on anything too long with her because it gets her thinking and sometimes, most times those thoughts are the worst thing for her.

As she said she did not cry at drop off and in fact spoke to two of her friends in line. Yippy! A hug and kiss later and I was out the door.

At lunchtime, as we lulled over macaroni and cheese something provoked Sydney to say,

 ”In class we did sock and chalk but I just sat and watched.”

“Oh, was something troubling you?”. I said

“No, well I was sitting beside my teacher and I just watched!” Hmm…maybe I should delve into this a little more so I asked her, “Is there something we can change when you do sock and chalk that would make you feel more comfortable so you’d perhaps want to colour too?” As the wheels of thought were spinning in Sydney’s head in my head prayers were being sent for enlightment of the whole situation. What transpired was a 15 minute long discussion about a boy who she is actually scared of who is seated beside her both at the desks and on the carpet. He is a little rough with the other boys and although I think he draws the line with the girls he is a rambunctious 6 year old. The fact that Sydney has seen him kick and punch and push people is enough to frighten her into thinking that he may do it to her to. She perceives him as a threat. I asked her if she’d like for us to try and talk to the teacher about perhaps moving seats around and she agreed. I then praised her for letting me know that there was a problem and reinforced the idea that both the teacher and I were only looking after her best interest and if there is ever a situation that she feels uncomfortable with she should let me know so we together can try and rectify it. 

Who would have thought that the little girl who at this time last year was literally hiding in her cubby and in the throes of becoming selectively mute would have the courage to explain what made her frightened in an attempt to make it better. What has prompted the change this year? A less toxic environment would definately prompt change. As well, a little bit of maturity has helped Sydney come around, you know that old saying, “A year older a year wiser”.  But more importantly a clear understanding beyond all else that the root of Sydney’s behaviour is anxiety based is the key to help Sydney find her voice again.  I’m so excited for her!

If you’d like to find out more about Selective Mutism check out these fantastic links:

http://www.selectivemutism.org/

http://www.aboutkidshealth.ca/HealthAZ/Fear-of-Talking-Selective-Mutism.aspx?articleID=8841&categoryID

http://www.designandcopy.ca/silentchild/