I have to say there is nothing that makes my heart melt more than seeing kids help each other through difficult times with words of encouragement or a rub on the back. To see such young souls become so grown up in a moment is the defining moment as a parent when you realize that this is what it’s all about; helping them grow up to be AMAZING individuals.
“Children will not remember you for the material things you provided but for the feeling that you cherished them.”
– Richard L. Evans
Yesterday morning Sydney was having a very tricky morning. The magnitude of the morning, the realization that school is still not an option and the fatigue got the better of her and it started right from the get go. She awoke and a took forever to get motivated to get dressed. I found her sitting in front of her closet, tears filled her eyes and she whispered, “I don’t know what to wear?”. When she’s got this kind of anxiety and the level of worry everything in her wardrobe is uncomfortable. Every tag, ever seam feels like pins and needles to her and the one thing that she would be most comfortable in is her pajamas. Well, unfortunately that wasn’t going to happen to here I go with the distraction.
“Hey the sun is really shining today. That means that we’ll have to put on your favourite hat?”
“You can wear your sandals today and no socks.”
“What do you think we should eat for breakfast? I’m going to sit down with you this morning.”
“Caramel (our bunny) will need some lettuce after school. I’ll save some for you.”
As we dance along from subject to subject we find clothes that are acceptable and spend another 10 minutes trying to get them on. She usually gets dressed herself but I find when we have these mornings she needs the motivation to continue or else I’m going up and down a million times. It’s a security thing and it works for us; we don’t need it every day.
Breakfast was quiet and slow and the waves of emotion flooded her body every few minutes. Sometimes the tears were just too much and other times she held them back. We’re just about ready to get out the door and a momentary pause at the door followed by her rushing into my arms. A big hug and words of encouragement and distraction and we are out the door. Three houses down from our house and she decides that the shorts she is wearing are not going to do and she just wants to quickly race back to the house to change. We do that and quickly she is back on track.
In the school yard leaves little breathing room for me as she is tucked at my side under my arm and every now and again she buried her face in my shirt to let some tears escape. I knew that this was going to be tough but I was also expecting it in some ways. All last week she gave it her all and other than a quick hiccup with gym the school year really started off wonderfully. So it wasn’t that out of the blue that on the first Monday back I would be met with some reservations.
The bell rang and the school yard buzzed with kids racing to their lines. We walked over to her portable and she stood on her own, looking more like her own little island at that point. Kids were talking and laughing and engaged and Sydney tried so hard to keep it together. As the other classes began to file in she couldn’t contain herself any more and fell apart.
How does your anxious child respond to peer help?
Having people in your face despite their best intentions is even more daunting for our daughter, up until this year. Usually, the help of others is met with more crying or a complete shut down. It is hard when you are in the perils of fear and worry to realize that this person means you no harm just helpfullness. It was frustrating to watch too because you had some amazing kids whose hearts were out there for her and she just ignored them completely.
As she was standing beside me one of her classmates walked up to her and kindly said, “Sydney what’s wrong? Are you okay? Why are you crying?”. She said nothing. I quickly said, “She’s just having a tough morning. Thanks for asking.” He was so sweet, he put his hand on her shoulder and gently rubbed her shoulder and explained, “well if you need anything you let our teacher know that I can move my desk beside you and I can help you with anything you need. I will read to you or we can colour together, whatever makes you feel better.” Oh, tell me that my heart didn’t melt. He was so genuine in his concern and intentions. He wanted to make it better. She sucked up some tears and looked at him and said, “Thank you.” She shook her head in a “yes” motion and whispered thank you again.
It is so hard to find the right response to this kind of help when you feel so helpless. This kindness just filled me with the feeling that we are in fact in the right place and she is surrounded by the right people. This is what peers are supposed to do. This is how they are supposed to react when they see someone hurt or afraid. I am so thankful for this kind of environment.
We did get her into class and the day was overall pretty good. The best part of it all was that for the remainder of the night she kept talking about her classmates desire to help and we also talked in length about how your friends and peers can help you when you are at a level 3. Hopefully, this is just the beginning of some great friendships and social skills that she so missed out on earlier in her life.
To that boys parents I would like to thank you from the bottom of my heart for raising such a caring, emotionally sensitive and aware child. He’s the best in my books.
