admin May 27th, 2009
It took me a couple days to write about our experience at the ear, nose and throat doctor last week with Sydney. Doctors, dental and other such appointments can really rattle a parents nerves and that it did with us last Friday. It was suggested by the school that we go to the ENT to make sure that all is well in Sydney’s mouth and that her speech impediments aren’t a result of something in the back of her throat. They suggested it but I knew that we needed to see someone because Sydney’s bags underneath her eyes in the morning were a clear indication that sleep was not restful. If I ever needed to stay with her in the middle of the night the flips and flops were unnatural, it was like a fish out of water.
So we had talked about the doctor a few days before and I did explain that it would be as simple as opening up her mouth and letting the doctor look in with a light. This is where the fine line gets drawn, talk too much about it and let the anxiety monster reel around in her head until she goes nuts, or mention the facts, state the way things will be and then leave it until the actual day.
We got out of the house no problem, dropped off Ehren and did the morning drive. Only once did she ask me what she’d have to do again. “Nothing that will hurt” I reassured her. She was fantastic in the doctors office waiting and even walking into the room was fine. She sat on the chair and the doctor asked me what symptoms were ailing her and we talked a little bit beforehand. Here is where the doctors patience and understanding won over my heart. He spoke to Sydney directly and told her that he would be looking into her mouth just to see what’s there. He reassured her that it only takes a minute and mom can sit right beside you. He moved closer and she allowed him to look in her ears both left and right a little teary-eyed but she did it. Next was for her to open up her mouth and let him take a look. He moved in a little closer and Sydney promptly turned her head away and very forcefully said, “NO”. He explained again that it would be quick and all she needed to do was open her mouth. I tried to move her hair out of her face and she smacked my arm away and yelled, “I’M NOT DOING IT”. She began to ball. He took a step back and explained to her that we’d take a break for a moment and let her have a chance to take a breath. As I moved closer to him I explained how she has anxiety issues and doctors appointments are usually a bit of a crapshoot. Of course I made sure that she did not hear me as I was going towards the room in an attempt to move my purse. He spoke to me about the reasons why kids snore and how things work in the back of the throat. Sydney continued to cringe in the chair.
I moved again towards her and told her that she could sit on my lap if it would make her feel better and that she needed to do this. “NO” she said forcefully. The doctor again addressed Sydney and asked if he could look in her mouth very quickly and she moved her head left and right motioning a definative no. We continued to the other side of the room where he explained to me how to deal with the situation by giving us options. He realized that this was not going to work but the file wasn’t closed, he recognized that there were different ways to handle the situation. He suggested to get an x-ray as that maybe would work and give us a good indication of what needs to happen. He as well recognized that just like this appointment that may not happen either so there was another course of action which would be to get her into the hospital and sedate her in the operating room and if there is anything that needs to be done it would be. Suggesting that the later would be the most aggressive action of them all but as well if I had brought her in for a problem than I felt strongly enough that there was a problem.
He handed me a requisition for an x-ray and told me that perhaps not today but another day I could give that a try and hopefully we can get some solid answers. He then turned to Sydney and said, “Well Sydney, that’s it for today. You’re done and thank you for coming in”.
Doctors like these are worth their weight in gold. By some simple things he made me feel comfortable despite the fact that we never did get the examination complete. He gave me options and didn’t make me feel like a failure. By addressing Sydney directly he made it clear that in his eyes she was a person who deserved attention despite the fact that she was not happy about the situation.
When we got out of the office and into the car the tears were rolling off her cheek like a river. She was disappointed in herself. How do I know? she told me. “I’m sorry I didn’t do what you and the doctor wanted me to do but I was so scared.” I told her that I understood her fear. I also told her that we now have to go for an x-ray to check out her throat. “When” she asked still crying. “I’m not sure, I have to make an appointment”. “When I have to go I’ll try my best to get an x-ray” she said sniffling.
What do you do when you’re in that situation? The doctor also said that he doesn’t believe in forcing a child to do an examination because he wants it to be a positive experience and he doesn’t think forcing her by physically holding her down would help the situation. So, now the call is in for an x-ray let’s see if we get any further that way. Let’s hope.
