1-2-3 Strategy

admin February 21st, 2010

In one of my posts from October 1st, 2009 “It’s not only the time that is falling back” I spoke about a new strategy that we were using in order to help Sydney understand that there is only a certain amount of time in which to complete her school work. What was happening was that she waited and waited until the very last minute to start her work and it would end up having to come home. Now considering she is on an IEP it seems a little overwhelming to be in school for almost 7 hours a day and then have to come home to sometimes 2 hours worth of homework. It wasn’t working for anyone. So in an order to help her along with the challenge the teacher put 1-2-3 stickers on her desk. She would let the class know that it was time to do the work and if after a couple minutes Sydney hadn’t pick up her pencil and started the number 1 would be taken away. She would go away and after a few minutes the number 2 would be taken away if nothing was done. Then after a few more minutes the number 3 would be taken away and in the end the unfinished work would come home. It was a small reminder to Sydney that she had to at least try.

At home this strategy was met with a lot of encouragement that she just needed to try. Her biggest hurdle was thinking that everything had to be done perfectly and correctly. As well, she was rewarded for a day of “NO homework”. We started with a little treasure box full of neat little dollar store items. Of course this then prompted her bigger brother to wonder why he doesn’t get a treasure box. Each day she would come home with no homework she would get a little treat and lots of hugs and kisses.

Well, I have a follow up to the whole 1-2-3 idea. I’ve had some people comment that this tactic seems more discouraging than encouraging. In the end it worked and the best part is it was Sydney who started the ball rolling. I’d like to share with you the email correspondance that I’ve had with the teacher because it is just downright AMAZING. This is what can happen when we have educators that are willing to work with children who just need that extra little bit of support. My hat goes off to our teacher because she recognizes just how valueable this step is in Sydney’s life.

Good afternoon,

This afternoon, during DEAR period 5, Sydney came over to my desk and told me that she didn’t need her 1,2,3 reminder on her desk anymore. I was so surprised that she came to tell me out of the blue that we immediately ripped it off - Sydney ripping most of it off and put it in the garbage! Sydney threw it out and everything and on her way to the garbage she told a classmate that it was on her desk and she didn’t need it anymore! I had thought we were done with it before Christmas but kept it so that in case of a relapse, we would have it to fall back on. I had just not gotten around to taking it away but I am glad that I left it and Sydney felt that it should go herself!!

Just thought you should know!

To make this event that much better I did not discover this via the teacher, oh no in fact Sydney herself was the one to share the news and this is how it went.

My response to the teacher’s email:

Sydney told me all about it after school before I even got your email. I was so proud of her and boy oh boy was she ever proud of herself. The best was that one of the children I watch before and after school were over yesterday and the two of them were sitting at the kitchen table playing a game. Sydney said out of the blue, “I can’t believe I don’t have the 1-2-3 on my desk anymore!” The little guy responded, “What’s a 1-2-3?” Sydney went into full explanation of what it was, “Well before I was shy and I had trouble doing my work so my teacher put three stickers on my desk the 1-2-3 stickers. It helped me figure out how much time I had left to do my work. So my teacher would put the work on my desk and walk away for a little bit. She would come back and if I didn’t start anything she would take the one away. Then go back to her desk and after a couple minutes she would come back and if I didn’t start yet she’d take the 2 away. Then if she came back again and I wasn’t started she would take the three away and then I’d have to do it at home for homework. I decided that I should at least try and do it and maybe even if I got it wrong she would still be happy with me. I am so happy that I don’t have it on my desk anymore. We threw it in the garbage for good.” The little boy just looked at her and said, “Wow, that’s really cool”. The pride on her face was just wonderful. Yeh! I told her as well, “Mommy and Daddy are super proud of you. We knew you could do it, we know you have it within you to do anything you put your mind too. But beyond that are you proud of yourself because you are the one that matters the most?” She looked at me and smiled the most heartfelt, warm, beaming smile and said, “Yes, I am so proud of myself”.

It’s not only the time that is falling back

admin October 1st, 2009

So far, the first two weeks of school have been outstanding. When we went in for the open house last week I was amazed by all of the work that Sydney had so dilegently worked towards. There was a profile picture, a picture on a post it for a graph of who walks to school, there was an “all about me” sheet where I learned that her goal in life is to be a teacher and she would love a horse. It was all going so well, too well almost. Best of all the communication book had all stars. She burst into grade 2 with a vengence.

And then…something changed. We started seeing signs of her falling back. One piece of homework came home one day, the next day two. For the week so far each night we’ve had to pull out the pencil and eraser and complete all that stuff at home. It is disappointing for sure, it’s frustrating too; I was really beginning to have fun with the kids after school. What changed? What happened?

Was it that I am looking after some neighbourhood kids and having the kids around has changed her routine? Is it that a speech and language therapist went in to visit Sydney and she wasn’t expecting it? Was it that she realized that school isn’t going away anytime soon? Was it that in an effort to help her through this homework challenge the team and teacher have decided to collectively decided on the next step?

Yup, week three and it was the little things I started to notice. “Is it a school day today?” The wanting me to stay with her at night, the lack of eating. I feel for her. I can’t keep asking why it happened I just need to support her because whatever the reason this morning was the first morning since school started that I had a little girl in tears and not wanting to go inside.

Just yesterday Sydney met with her Youth and Child counsellor and they discussed how each day Sydney would be given three little sticky notes. When the work is assigned Sydney gets a chance to complete it. If after a couple minutes it is not completed the teacher takes the one marked number one off. Then if after a few more minutes it is not done number two gets taken away. If after three it is not completed it is put in the bag for homework. What the team has asked me is that I am 100% hands off. NO helping. So, if she isn’t sure what to do and/or she can’t complete it the sheets or task get put back in the bag for the teacher to evaluate. Sydney was fully aware of this as she did tell me all about it yesterday. I asked her if she thought it was a good idea and she said “Yes”. But the reality struck her dead in the middle of the school yard this morning and I could see a bit of a fall back. I came home and called my team and told them that we had neglected a very important part of this process. We were all so caught up in all of the things that Sydney had already accomplished that we forgot we may need a bit of a back up if for example like today she won’t go into school. Thankfully my team was right there to help in the process and someone will be in the school yard tomorrow should we have some tears.

Never a dull moment…

SHE DID IT!!!

admin January 23rd, 2009

Another milestone, another challenge and another pebble in the road that Sydney has overcome. I hate to say it but the cold weather has managed to place itself conveniently at our doorstep and helped us in moving forward on the next challenge. I have stood outside the doors of the school since December and watched as Syndey some days takes the hand of the teacher and other days being ushered in by a gentle hand gracing her back with words of encouragement. I’ve painfully watched as some days the tears flowed and felt a light-hearted cheer as some days she’s walked in with a smile on her face.
As the days have gotten cold the children were not asked to wait outside but to come in from the cold. I blogged about this a couple days ago and about how Sydney has taken it upon herself to take the first step in overcoming the anxiety and walking forward without me. Now that the weather has warmed up slightly and she stands again on the yellow lines awaiting to be let in she surprised me this morning with her strength and courage. The teacher that was responsible for taking her in this morning was busy on the other side of the line-up and before he had a chance to turn around Sydney did not take my hand, Sydney did not get teary eyed, instead Sydney walked in line with her class and headed for the door. I didn’t say anything because I wanted her to continue with her positive performance and before I knew it she was through the doors and I was left standing outside.

The teacher on duty looked around as I walked away from the door and low and behold we both stood in amazement as Sydney had taken her first independent steps and threw the anxiety off to the side. I have to say it left me breathless. This is the lesson that I have been trying to tell everyone. With the compassion, understanding and patience she will accomplish whatever task we set in front of her. With time and support she will flourish and she will be all that we “expect” her to be. She will be a strong Sydney, an independent Sydney just give her time. I can’t tell you how proud I was.

A friend the other day emailed me a life lesson that I thought was very appropriate for this mornings accomplishment. You’ll understand more when you read it but Sydney today was like coffee and I believe I am too! Enjoy finding out if you are carrots, eggs or coffee.

Carrots, Eggs & Coffee

A carrot, an egg, and a cup of coffee…You will never look at a cup of coffee the same way again.

A young woman went to her mother and told her about her life and how things were so hard for her. She did not know how she was going to make it and wanted to give up, She was tired of fighting and struggling. It seemed as one problem was solved, a new one arose.

Her mother took her to the kitchen. She filled three pots with water and placed each on a high fire. Soon the pots came to boil. In the first she placed carrots, in the second she placed eggs, and in the last she placed ground coffee beans. She let them sit and boil; without saying a word.

In about twenty minutes she turned off the burners. She fished the carrots out and placed them in a bowl. She pulled the eggs out and placed them in a bowl. Then she ladled the coffee out and placed it in a bowl. Turning to her daughter, she asked, ‘ Tell me what you see.’

‘Carrots, eggs, and coffee,’ she replied..

Her mother brought her closer and asked her to feel the carrots. She did and noted that they were soft. The mother then asked the daughter to take an egg and break it. After pulling off the shell, she observed the hard boiled egg.

Finally, the mother asked the daughter to sip the coffee. The daughter smiled as she tasted its rich aroma. The daughter then asked, ‘What does it mean, mother?’
Her mother explained that each of these objects had faced the same adversity: boiling water. Each reacted differently. The carrot went in strong, hard, and unrelenting. However, after being subjected to the boiling water, it softened and became weak.. The egg had been fragile. Its thin outer shell had protected its liquid interior, but after sitting through the boiling water, its inside became hardened. The ground coffee beans were unique, however. After they were in the boiling water, they had changed the water.

‘Which are you?’ she asked her daughter. ‘When adversity knocks on your door, how do you respond? Are you a carrot, an egg or a coffee bean?

Think of this: Which am I? Am I the carrot that seems strong, but with pain and adversity do I wilt and become soft and lose my strength?

Am I the egg that starts with a malleable heart, but changes with the heat? Did I have a fluid spirit, but after a death, a breakup, a financial hardship or some other trial, have I become hardened and stiff? Does my shell look the same, but on the inside am I bitter and tough with a stiff spirit and hardened heart?

Or am I like the coffee bean? The bean actually changes the hot water, the very circumstance that brings the pain. When the water gets hot, it releases the fragrance and flavor. If you are like the bean, when thi ngs are at their worst, you get better and change the situation around you. When the hour is the darkest and trials are their greatest do you elevate yourself to another level? How do you handle adversity? Are you a carrot, an egg or a coffee bean?

May you have enough happiness to make you sweet, enough trials to make you strong, enough sorrow to keep you human and enough hope to make you happy.

The happiest of people don’t necessarily have the best of everything; they just make the most of everything that comes along their way. The brightest future will always be based on a forgotten past; you can’t go forward in life until you let go of your past failures and heartaches.

Welcome to my Blog

admin April 4th, 2008

Thank you for stopping by the Blog. In the next few weeks many things will be posted and written here and it is all very new and exciting.

Our daughter was diagnosed with Social Anxiety Disorder back in 2005. Raising children is always a challenge but when you have a wonderful child that is just not adjusting to the world and you know that everyday life is a struggle you become an advocate for your child. Our daughter has come a very long way since than but that wouldn’t have happened without the wonderful help of a number of people. Between us the parents, the speech and language therapists, occupational therapists, family counsellor, cognitive behavioural therapist and well you get the idea, without these wonderful people we would not be where we are today. As a result of our good and bad experiences and our fight for what was right for our daughter I started 2008 off with a mission. I am sure that we are not the only family in the Greater Toronto Area who is dealing with the issues that we are; in fact I know we aren’t. Support for families and caregivers is so crucial for everyone’s survival and that’s exactly what I intended to do. This Blog is hopefully going to give parents/caregivers a chance to get together and share resources, success stories, obstacles and anything else that we feel we need to express.

Good things are to come…and I can’t wait!