This post was submitted for the S-O-S Best of the Best series on Anxiety, which will be published on May 15th, 2011. You find more information and read other submissions there.

We are not human beings having a spiritual experience. We are spiritual beings having a human experience.”
Teilhard de Chardin quotes (French Geologist, Priest, Philosopher and Mystic, 1881-1955)

What if the Easter egg hunt isn’t exciting it’s terrifying? What if having a house full of people wasn’t thrilling it was nerve wracking? What if the excitement of it all just wasn’t exciting? Celebration for most of us are a time to get together with family and friends, a time to enjoy the laughter of a full house. A road trip to the local farm for Easter festivities should put smiles on the kids faces not debilitate you. Well, in our house we’ve started a bit of a new tradition. We’ve started getting together with friends on Good Friday and we enjoy lunch together and a trip to the local farm or conservation area. For Sydney this whole idea is usually a bit daunting. All of those what ifs keep creeping into her little brain and turn fun into horror. I’m not kidding when I say horror.
Sydney came to our room the Thursday before the Easter weekend and couldn’t sleep because she was worried. She was teary eyed and speaking softly. She was clearly distraught. When I asked her what was causing her the tears her reply, ” I am getting worried about tomorrow and about having so many people over. What if I can’t do it”. What did she mean about can’t do it? Here’s what was going through her head about what she couldn’t do:
What if it gets too loud?
What if I don’t play games right?
What if I want to be by myself but there are people in my room?
What if I don’t want people over anymore?
What if we don’t agree on what to play?
What if I get bored?
What if it’s not a good time?

All of these things rollling around in brain just waiting for that would have, could have, should have, what if moments. All of those moments that temporarily take your breath away and cause that panic, worry and anxiety to rear its ugly head.

So what did we do?
I took her on my lap and praised her.
I explained to her how very proud of her I was for actually being able to recognize the feelings. The worry, the concern and the fear were all very real for her at that moment.

I acknowledged and reaffirmed that having feelings is a good thing.
I told her that we all have feelings of happiness, excitement, worry, sadness, anger and having them is all perfectly fine and normal. Uncomfortable feelings are just that …uncomfortable.

We came up with a plan. We talked about what we should do if she gets to that level 3 stage. If you read the blog you would have seen a post about her 1-2-3 scale. 1 being a feeling of contentment and happiness and 3 being at the top of her anxiety. So if she was feeling herself creeping up to a 3 all she would have to do is find myself or my husband and let us know either by a show of fingers or by whispering in our ears that she was a 3. This would immediately let us know that she needed to find her quiet space. It would allow her the time she needed to just breathe and calm herself down. We decided that she could come into our bedroom and close the door and either listen to some music or watch a funny television show. Thinking about this proactively immediately got her to push the worry aside. There was a plan, she knew exactly what she needed to do and we as parents were able to help her through it.

As it turned out she didn’t need to use the plan but the whole exercise was a fantastic experience.She had a fantastic time and the gathering lasted from 11:00a.m. to 7:00. So a long but successful day for all. It just is thrilling to see her be able to work through these moments and feelings aloud. Years ago, even just a 8 months ago this scenario would have looked completely different. A few years ago this would have been nothing more than tears during the celebration or event. No forwarning or insider information to build on.

So how do you handle these kinds of situations at your house? Does the worry and fear make what is supposed to be fun completely uncomfortable for your child. What tools do you use to help your child?



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