So if you read the blog yesterday, you’ve discovered that Sydney had quite the emotional morning and it was an emotional morning as well as a physical one for us. I find after these outbursts I’m usually feeling a little drained. Well last night we had another emotional upset, but this time it was with Ehren. My dear sweet little boy carries the weight of the world on his shoulders and he has anxiety too but, in a different way. Whereas Sydney’s anxiety is very much social and physically visible, Ehren is much more closed in with his anxieties of the world and only when he’s full with anger does he show it in his actions. When prompted, he’d say he was fine but I’m always attuned to his emotions.

Yesterday morning crushing a milk container was not in his character and then after school attempting to rip his shirt, ripping money (I’ll explain that later) and biting his arm were all behaviours that were so out of character for him. It all started with a bag of chipits that he had brought upstairs for me. He thought it would be nice if he opened it for me too. He took a couple and walked away. I came into the kitchen and realized that he had opened them and asked him if he had any?

“Well ya. But here.” He handed the 6 chipits back.

“No you can have them but please don’t take anymore. You’ve already had sweets today.”

“No…here you have them.” He yelled at me and pushed the chips back along the counter.

“Ehren I don’t want the chipits back. What I want is for you to understand that I don’t want you to have anymore.”

He began to try and rip his shirt, and fortunately it was a good shirt because the seems didn’t budge, but his face grew so red with anger. I can honestly say seeing that kind of hostility really scared me. It’s not like him at all.

“I can tell your angry. Would you like to share with me what’s making you so mad?”

“Nothing” he screamed.

Then he proceeded to bite at his arm. When I gently placed my hand on his arm he looked at me with tears and his eyes and said, “I don’t know. I’m angry”. Well, I could see that tell me something I don’t know!

“Well, what’s up Ehren? This kind of behaviour is not usual and I can see that something must really been bugging you to get so aggressive.”

I won’t bore you with the rest of the tidbits of detail, but after 25 minutes of almost spilling out what was wrong I finally took him up to his room and we sat on his bed and this is what came out.

He’s very aggitated and has a raised voice. “Why does war happen. 40,000 people went to war and only 10,000 came back that’s not right…it’s…it’s not fair and why don’t the people who want to fight go to the front and fight. If anyone ever came to our door and told me that anyone in our family had to go to war I’d kick them in the nuts and punch them in the face and tell them to get away.” He was shaking by this point.

“I agree it isn’t fair, it isn’t right”.

“Do the people in the governement do they have to fight in the war?”

“No they don’t.”

“Well, they should. They should have to be the ones to fight and they should be able to feel exactly how it feels to loose somebody. It’s not fair. I’d like to say some words but I’d get in big trouble.”

“You mean swear words?”

“Ya, but you’d be mad at me for using them and they aren’t nice words.”

“Well you know what Ehren if it will make you feel better and you know that I we don’t normally use these words than we should be okay.”

He decided after letting it all out that he wanted to write a letter to the government. He wanted my help. I told him I would help him but he had to make me a promise. He had to promise me that he will never hurt himself in anger. He had a squishy ball sitting on the floor. He looked over grabbed the ball and said, “What if I use this instead when I’m really angry and that way I won’t hurt anything.” “Great idea Ehren, what a great thing to do.”

We went back downstairs and he sat at the kitchen table and with pen not pencil he wrote out his feelings to the government. I asked him if he wanted to send it and he said, “No, I just needed to get it out.”

By the time Dave walked in the door I’m sure I looked like the walking dead. Boy that hit me like a tonne of bricks. It scared me as well because Ehren is not an aggressive child by any means and he was so angry. I hope he learned from the experience, but I can honestly say I’m emotionally exhausted today.

So I’m treating myself this morning to a relaxing morning sitting in the local coffee shop and writing my blog. Much like my son I find writing therapeutic.

Now hopefully when Sydney comes home we won’t have any huge blowouts. It’s her first day that she’s at school all day by herself without me coming in at lunchtime.

Keep your fingers crossed!