You know one of the hardest things about having children and dealing with them on a daily basis is the emotional toll it puts on ones marriage. I am very fortunate in that my husband is one of those hands on kind of dads who right from the get go didn’t shrug away from parental duty. He was in there like a dirty shirt changing diapers, watching the kids while I tried to take a little cat nap and helping to instil good values by leading by example. Now my son can burp the ABC’s virtually in one breath. Kidding…well he’s taught them other stuff too!

One of the most important things that I feel privileged to have is a husband who is able to talk to our children when things go wrong and they in turn feel comfortable and sometimes compelled to tell him every detail.  

Now put in the family mixed a very empathetic and emotional child and a very socially anxious child and you have an even greater strain on ones marriage. Ehren is much like me in that he constantly thinks about things and others feelings and how his actions affect other people.  A wonderful trait you might think but sometimes it’s his downfall. He worries about other kids getting into trouble and takes things to heart and then dwells on them. I can always tell when something is looming in his head because he takes his frustration, anger and concern out on me. Very quickly my 8 year old angel turns into a 16 year old devil with his attitude and verbally aggressive answers. When an experience is exceptionally traumatic we have what happened after school yesterday. Ehren came over to me in the school yard just after the school bell rang and buried his head into my side and cried. I’m so used to him walking over, talking with his friends and almost embarrassed by my desire to show affection that his sadness really shocked me. “What’s wrong?” I asked to which I got a very blubbery, tearful reply, “My teachers leaving and it’s her last day tomorrow and it’s just not fair, I don’t want her to leave”. WHAT!!! “But did you get a note or anything telling us what’s going on?” of which Ehren replied, “No, she’s leaving tomorrow and why does this always happen to me and I don’t like it and I’m …”. Nothing more was said as tears flowed and he buried himself into me deeper.  As awful as this sounds my first reaction…oh thank God it’s not Sydney’s teacher. My second reaction…what the heck? Damn!

As it turns out the teacher had another opportunity come up at another school and she was stuck between a rock and hard spot and decided that she should take the other opportunity.  So, much to our dismay today is the last day that Ehren will have her as a teacher.

So at 6:00 a.m. this morning I was awoken to the sounds of little feet clumping down the stairs. Curiously, I followed the steps wondering which of the kids would be up this early. Of course, it was Ehren. He couldn’t sleep. The anxiety of the day was too much and he wanted to watch some television. Fine I thought! I sat down beside him and he cuddled into me and asked, “Can I do something for my teacher? Like a card or something?”.  I had told him last night that if there was anything I could do for him that would make him feel better that he just needed to ask me. This idea was a little too vague for such a young mind and I think it left him a little more perplexed than anything else. “Like what mom?”. “Well if you need a hug, or want to talk about how you’re feeling or if you just need to scream into your pillow just let me know!” I think he understood a little bit more but he was so upset that I think the idea just flew right past him.

“I want to make her a card” he announced. “Okay, that’s a great idea”. So by 6:30 this morning we were at the table figuring out exactly how to word the card so as to fully understand the depth of his sadness.  He did a great job. Then he mentioned that she loves chocolate…who doesn’t! So he asked if we could make chocolate chip cookies for her. We did but to make it even more special we brought out my baking scoops and we made a chocolate chip cookie flower but using one big scoop in the middle and a number of smaller scoops all around. Ehren even detailed it with a stem and some petals. He was so proud of himself.  We used a pizza box from last night to put the final product in and on the top together we wrote out a note that said:

“A special flower for a special Teacher” and he wrote the teachers name.

Sydney woke up shortly after and we had the usual misgivings about school and not wanting to go and getting out the door. Amid all the chaos we too wrapped up some cookies for her teacher and tried our best to get out the door in time. I stayed with Ehren until the bell rang so he could present the special gift to her and all the while Sydney had her usual anxiety but to be honest this morning I slightly dismissed it. I was having too much of an emotional morning watching Ehren struggle through his feelings never mind having to deal with Sydney.

Sydney said as we walked into the school, “It’s a good thing it isn’t my teacher that’s leaving!” To which I had to smile and said, “It’s a darn good thing that you’re teacher isn’t leaving…you’re very lucky”.  We got to her locker and just like every other morning we put things in and away and I left her sitting on the wall teary and unimpressed and anxious and looking quite miserable to be honest.

So when my husband called me today and told me what his day looked like I simply replied, “You’ll have to excuse me if I don’t sound enthused but I’ve had a hell of a day and I’m a little tired.”  My life with the kids (Sydney in particular) and for various other reasons keeps me at home. Don’t get me wrong being a stay-at-home mom has such tremendous rewards. Seeing the kids reach milestones is such a privilege. But with privilege comes sacrifice. As I’m sure many can relate sometimes one feels like they have made their mark and their efforts are not going unnoticed and sometimes I feel like I’m on a hamster wheel and just keep spinning. So, it should be no surprise that when my husband called and told me where he was and what his plans were for the rest of the day I admit it I was jealous. There I said it, “I was jealous!”.  I’m in the battlefield and he’s on the 19^th hole (no, not literally!). I know he’s doing his best to provide for the family in order for me to stay home but today of all days I could have used him here on my battlefront!

So to all the mom’s out there who are in the midst of daily routine whether it’s dealing with anxiety ridden children or tears or emotional turmoil please do yourself a favour, sit down have a cup of coffee or whatever and take a moment to appreciate the fact that without us that hamster wheel would fall right off the damn hinge. As for me, after dropping off a tearful daughter after lunch I’m going for some therapy, Walmart has its grand opening and I’m going to go and buy some toilet paper (it’s on sale!) and maybe new pyjamas so when the kids and I have our P.J party tonight (Dad’s out all night!)I’ll feel warm and comfy!