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Monthly Archives: August 2008

Only 7 more days until “The New School”

August 25, 2008   admin   No comments

I woke up this morning looking at my calendar and thinking about how quickly this summer has gone by. Obviously with the move it has swept in enabling us to take the days easy, judging by everyone’s mood and energy there have been many days that have been very forgiving of our need to relax. That’s why I dread the beginnings of school. Call me crazy but I like the idea of spending the time with the kids and doing things, I’m a “doing things” kind of girl. Unfortunately, with little in the way of pre-planning the summer by goes by exceptionally quickly.  We have lots of good memories to put into our scrapbook. We have a new chapter of life that we are embarking on and I have to say that it scares me a bit.

Much like the kids this is all new to me. I think I’ll feel like a kid again waiting on the “Blacktop” for the teacher to arrive. I’m anxious for the kids because starting out is always tough no matter what age you are. Sydney’s brother has luckily found a couple friends on the street  that are going to the same school so at least he’ll have some friendly faces amongst the crowd. Sydney has finally met a little girl on the street and she is ecstatic. She and her brother were playing outside the other day and a bunch of neighbours were outside talking. Along came a vision of glory for Sydney, a little girl (they run few and far between on our street). Sydney invited the little girl in and when she opened the front door she was bursting to introduce us. She yelled out, “Mommy, look a girl!” She didn’t even remember her name all she knew was that she like Hannah Montana and High School Musical and she wanted to see the Guinea Pig. They played for a while in her room and the little girl had to go.  As she was leaving and the parents were finishing up our conversations Sydney walked up to the wrong mom and cheerfully asked, “Can her and I have a sleepover one day”. Oh my goodness, it was a priceless moment but it quickly turned sour. Sydney realized it was not the right mom and quickly looked around for me in a panic. She raced over to me and hid behind me absolutely balling. I guess in her mind she went out on a limb and asked a question of someone she didn’t really know only to have it been the wrong mom. A good learning experience for her as she survived despite making a mistake and I was hoping we could turn it around for her. Luckily the mom to whom she approached is familiar with our situation and when she looked at me thinking she had done something wrong an unspoken, “that’s what I’m talking about” look was enough to explain what had just happened. I took Sydney from behind me and said I’m sure that we can arrange something and we’ll just have to ask her mom.  But at the moment when Sydney lost it and came running to me the little girl looked at me completely bewildered and asked, “What’s wrong with Sydney”. How do I explain it? She’s upset because she finally got the courage up to talk to someone she barely knows and spoke to the wrong person and I was 20 feet away and panic set in and the situation overwhelmed her. No, instead I just said, “She wanted to ask your mom something and instead asked a different mom and I think it just made her feel a little funny”. Right or wrong approach…who knows I tried. This is the stuff that is going to be tough for all of us in the next couple months.

In the old schoolyard and with all those old friendships the tears were very rarely questioned. All the kids knew was that something had triggered her off. Some tried to console, some left her to her own devices, some being kids just said, “That’s just Sydney”. And it is true, “It’s just who Sydney is” but boy oh boy here’s where parenting 101 for Socially Anxious Children will really come into play.

We get to meet the new teacher this Thursday and hopefully a familiar face will help ease a little bit of the anxiety on the first day. Oh who am I kidding! As the days to September 2nd approach you can be rest assured the time I spend with the kids will suck every last ounce of summer out of it.

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Big brother woes

August 18, 2008   admin   2 Comments

It’s not easy being a sibling sometimes. I try really hard as a parent to treat my children equally albeit this social anxiety thing has thrown a bit of a kink into my parenting plans. I try, God knows I try to make sure that I give equal praise and equal punishments for poor behaviour but I sometimes think that I walked on a few more eggshells with Sydney. One would never know what exactly would trigger her off and I always felt mean to say, “Suck it up and deal with it” (not in exactly those words but you get my drift). So inevitably big brother sometimes gets the butt end of the deal.  He really is a great big brother. He tries his best to be accomodating, forgiving, understanding and encouraging. I never had siblings and I thrive on seeing the two of them get along and work together. Sometimes though despite his best efforts he just can’t convince her to join him and he gets so disappointed and frustrated.

That’s exactly what happened today. We went to an indoor carnival area for kids and when we got there Sydney did run ahead with her brother to look at everything. We waited in line for the tickets and the three of us discussed what things they wanted to do. He had it all planned out and kept asking Sydney, “Do you want to go on that with me?” “What about that?” as he pointed to each and explained what would happen.

It was our turn and as we approached the ticket counter it was clear that Sydney was more than happy to watch him and it was clear that he was disappointed that we’d be waiting on the sidelines as he went on things alone. Occasions like these are most frustrating on all of us. Sydney clearly is thinking things through a million times over because you can tell by the contemplative look on her face and her repetition of “I don’t know what to do”. Her brother tries with all of his might and sometimes it sounds like he’s in her head saying exactly what she’s thinking. I’m left to stand by Sydney and help her talk through the situation and watch what he’s doing. I feel like the literal meaning of between a rock and hard place!

It’s so tough when one child is outgoing and ready to leap even before he looks and the other is anxious and over thinks every last move.

In the end we convinced her to go on the carousel twice albeit sitting on the bench not on a horse but at least we were all together and then she went through the play area. He tired to get Sydney up the big slide and it was priceless, hand in hand they climbed up the big stairs as I waited for them at the bottom. How horrifying to hear your child crying through the vortex of the slide and being far away. The two of them came walking back down the stairs the same way they went up, holding the hand of his petrified sister who had a red face and tears streaming down to her chin. She came over to me and explained through the tears that she got up to the top and she just couldn’t do it. That’s okay she at least tried. Poor big brother, my heart went out to him. I think he really thought she’d go down the slide with him and he got so excited as the two of them tore up to the top.

Maybe one day she’ll surprise him, maybe one day she’ll run in front of him and catch him totally off guard. In the meantime I have to commend him for being the person he is and being understanding so much of the time. I’m sure his patience and tolerance willl serve him well in the future because I can guarantee you  that Sydney would not have come so far if he wasn’t who he is.

 

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CBT has excellent outcome

August 17, 2008   admin   No comments

Syndey has done some great work with a wonderful therapist at the George Hull Centre. Since she is not within the ideal age group for the therapy a lot of modifications had to be made but wow it was noticeable changes in her confidence and all around happiness.

I just found a great article about CBT and if your not familiar with how it works I suggest you take a look at this article.

http://camhs.wordpress.com/2008/08/15/how-does-cbt-for-anxious-children-work/

Have you ever tried CBT therapy? Did you have good results? Do you want to try it?

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Mommy’s need time too

August 14, 2008   admin   No comments

Well, since the other nights throwing up ordeal and last night despite my best efforts to have a restful sleep I was awaken by my son at 3:00 a.m. because he had a funny tummy which landed him in the bathroom for about 15 minutes. Luckily it was nothing more than a bit of a bathroom break and he went back to bed. I swear it is the ungodly hours that make one so tired and worn out and it must be said, “bitchy”. 

I had a shower this morning and put on some soothing music, told the kids that when the door to the bathroom opens only then can you talk to me unless the house is burning and I stood in my shower and imagined myself somewhere else. In all honesty I feel a little silly because it was only two nights that I didn’t have a full sleep so what the heck am I complaining about right? The problem is that the first night it was worry, as any parent will know there is that moment when you’re child is sick that you worry if everything will be okay. I have been threw this purging of the guts more often than I’d like to recall so it should be like a breeze. In some ways it is as certain things in Sydney’s room as always routinely checked and placed just before bed just in case.  If I’m bloody tired of it, I can’t imagine how she’s feeling. The second night it was purely the disruption of being awoken from a deep slumber to stand barefoot on the cold tile listening to an 8 year old describe how he thinks his tummy ache originated only to be follow by how it was feeling “a play by play”.

So this evening after getting frustrated with the kids lack of concern for Mommy asking for the fifth time and for their desire to keep going despite our afternoon at the splash pad I recognized my limit. I recognized that I needed a few minutes to myself. I needed some time where no one was asking anything of me, where my next move was my decision and it wasn’t based on someone else’s needs. I took my book, my waterbottle, a bowl of ice cream, some bergamot oil for my candle holder and closed the door to my bedroom and I soaked in my new soaker tub and enjoyed the music and the only voice I could hear was mine reading the words of my book.

I think it’s important for any parent to recognize when the demands of these little individuals is too much and we need to step back and step away from it all. We need to put the worry in the closet and take two minutes (in my case it was 45) and enjoy ourselves. I know it gives me that lift I need to continue. I’m in the house all day with Sydney and her brother and although I love them dearly I am me before I am a mom and sometimes mommy’s need time too to remember who they are.

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Finally someone who agrees with me

August 12, 2008   admin   No comments

When I was pregnant with Sydney it was one of the most stressful, anxious, both mentally and physically draining time in my life. The pregnancy part was a breeze it was just what came in between that just about killed me. My first trimester was spent in the hospital with my elderly mother who was battling pnemonia only a year after lung surgery to remove a tumor. We caught the pnemonia quick enough to make it a joyful Christmas. I can’t tell you how many Christmases were spent in that hospital. By the second trimester of my pregnancy her condition had diminshed and she was battling for her life. Honestly I don’t think any of us thought she’d make it through. I had a 1 1/2 year old son in daycare, I worked full-time and I was pregnant with baby number two, and I had my mother in the hospital with news from the doctor that if her condition didn’t change in a couple days her body would shut down. I can distinctly remember sitting in the small ICU waiting room talking to my aunt’s about what we should do when the inevitable happened. Belly protruding, work getting angrier by the day  as I missed more and more time, husband who was working full-time and taking care of our son and a mother lying in the ICU on her last legs. Does that qualify as a stressful situation for a growing fetus. I was stressed, I was overtired, I kept getting sick due to exhaustion and I was split between my mother at the hospital and my family. Oh and I forgot to mention that I am the only child so the my mothers health and well being since my father passed away had fell solely on me. Not to say that my aunts didn’t help but in the end I was the one calling the shots.

What put her in the hospital to begin with was a flu bug that our son picked up from daycare. He ended up in the hospital with a febrile seizure and she ended up in ICU. I ended up consistantly loosing weight by 10 pounds each week and my OB doctor told me that I had to give something up. She worked in the same hospital and I would quite frequently see her in the hallways. She was so kind and understanding of the situation and I did leave work 2 months early.

About 3 years later when we started getting all the testing done for Sydney to rule out Autism and other disorders the Paediatric Psychologist that we met with asked me what kind of preganancy I had with Sydney. When I described my experience and told her that my stress levels were unbelieveable and although things slightly calmed down nearing my third trimester it was still one hell of a roller coaster ride she actually said, “Woman go through wars and worse upheaval than what you’ve described and their children turn out just fine. I don’t think the stress you’ve endured would be of any concern”. Perhaps that’s not verbatim but in a nutshell she disregarded my challenging pregnancy and made me feel about an inch tall. 

Since that time I’ve been on a search to find research studies that prove that stress on a mother will in fact directly impact the fetus. You can’t tell me that if you smoke or drink it can have a negative affect on your child but “a little bit of stress” will do nothing! Well, I found an article today about a Canadian Academic professor that is studying the affects of anxiety in mothers and the impact on the children. Perhaps I’m not so crazy to think that my life during those 9 months didn’t help Sydney one bit. Here’s the link and enjoy the read http://www.stuff.co.nz/sundaystartimes/4650099a6442.html

Did you have a stressful preganancy? Did anyone try and tell you it was nothing? Let me know I’d love to hear from you.

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