I had to say it out loud, I couldn’t keep my mouth shut! Just the other day I said to a friend, “I’m surprised that the transition has been going so well for Sydney, she seems to be adjusting just fine”. When will I learn to prequel my analogies by saying, “in the last few days, speaking solely from the past and not the present I’ve found…”. Well that proverbial wall was hit yesterday and continued today and boy did it make me eat my words. 

Perhaps it’s been the late nights, perhaps it was seeing a close friend on Sunday, or maybe even the discussions and planning of the upcoming days, whatever it was Sydney has hit the wall of misery and hit it hard. I suspect that seeing two friends over the last two days has given Sydney a chance to realize what she’s missing when she moves. I thought that by giving her an opportunity to see these girls she’d have a chance to have a bit of closure but instead I think I left a wound gapping open. You see it’s never easy to foresee what the end result will be with children that are socially anxious or for that matter children in general. But put into the forefront fear of the unknown, change of routine and lack of sleep and you have the perfect “SAD cocktail”.

Today’s play date was spent with Sydney glued to my side and repeatedly stating, “I don’t want to be here”. I acknowledged her feelings, I explained how I wasn’t leaving and this is an opportunity to play with her friend and I reinforced the fact that I’d like to stay for a while as I was getting a chance to catch up with her friends mom.  Talking things through with Sydney is usually never too difficult in the sense of the actual explanation. What’s most difficult is dealing with the behaviour. This sort of encounter hasn’t occurred in so long it is frustrating to deal with. 

Why the tears?

Why can’t you just be happy?

Am I that bad a mom that you’re so miserable?

Why?

The answer, that’s just who Sydney is right now and we just have to face it head on. I don’t know what you’d call it exactly “a sucker for punishment”, “an optimist”, “ready for a challenge” I will not let this anxiety stand in our way. I refuse. I could have just left the play date today and come back to the house and let her have what she wanted but I wanted her to work through it and together we did. By the end of the play date she was at the computer with one of the siblings and playing a game and was even asking for help. I knew she could do it. But the two hours that led up to this wonderful moment was neither so happy, nor fun for either of us. What I hope to achieve by continually bringing her into situations that require her to so to speak “cope” is to find that laughter and frivolity that most kids just take for granted. I want her to realize that people want to befriend her and that she has so much to offer. So despite the tears and burying her face in my shoulder it was worth it in the end. What tomorrow will bring who knows I’m just taking it one day at a time. What else can I do?

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